What it means to reframe your negative self talk
Firstly, I want to start by saying negative self talk is normal.
As a busy professional wanting to do more self care, your internal dialogue could be creating all types of anxiety and confusion…
Like “Is self care really that serious? Other people manage just fine”
Or "I don't want my boss/coworkers to think I don't care or I'm not a team player"
Or "Am I just being lazy? Weak? Dramatic?"
No matter the thought – your internal voice is stopping you from resting and relaxing in the moment your body tells you you need it…
It’s a problem…
But it’s a fixable problem…
So, what does it mean to reframe this discouragingly negative self talk?
REFRAMING NEGATIVE SELF TALK MEANS FINDING THE TRUTH
Finding the truth in that negative self thought – is paramount.
Why? Because we give power to what we allow.
If we allow the negative thought to stand unchallenged, it has power.
Power to control what we do or don’t do – now and in the future.
So if you want to change what you do or don’t do in the future… start with changing your thoughts.
Your actions will follow.
Now, back to the reframing…
If you find even 1 ounce of a lie in the negative statement you thought or said, change it to something that’s factual of you.
Here’s an example…
There’s a big project on your plate at work, you’ve been at it all day but your deadline is looming. It’s already 7pm and you want to get some rest but then you have a thought…
"I'll just power through — I can sleep later"
How many times have you ‘powered through‘ this week?
Did you actually go to ‘sleep later’ or was it more like a quick nap and then you were up again working on another project?
What’s the actual, factual truth?
Let’s take a different scenario as an example…
You’re coming off of night shift and you have plans to sleep all day then do nothing but read, listen to your favorite dance music and eat at your favorite restaurant the next day – a total self care day. Your friend knows you’re off for the next few days so she invites you to an all day outing that starts 2 hours after you get off work.
You think to yourself… “I’ll just power through — I can sleep later”
How often do you ‘power through‘ when this friend sends you last minute invites?
How well did it go the last time you said yes thinking you’ll get some ‘sleep later‘?
Were you groggy and moving like a zombie once you went back to work the last time? Do you really want to do that again?
What’s the truth about this situation?
The truth will be obvious because you’ve lived it and can point to it as an example of what happened the last time something similar occurred in your life.
Reframing negative self talk requires finding the truth because facts are irrefutable.
And once you find the facts, your belief in your ability to reach your goal can grow to be just as unshakable.
REFRAMING NEGATIVE SELF TALK MEANS STATING THE TRUTH, CONFIDENTLY
If you agree that saying something confidently also means you’re saying something you actually believe… this section will make sense to you.
Maybe, I should have put a warning at the top of this article that says “only authenticity thrives here,” but I didn’t… so here’s your warning…
Being authentically you, being honest and transparent with you, is going to be key throughout this process.
Just wanted to throw that out there for your awareness and preparedness. This is entirely a you vs you conversation. No one to impress. No one to disappoint. The pressure is off. So, commit to being 100% real with you. That’s how you’ll get better results.
Once you find out what the truth is…
State it aloud until you sound confident!
OR if talking to yourself feels too awkward…
State it aloud as if you’ve just listened to a friend tell you their story and you’re just calling out the bare bones of what’s obvious and true — but they don’t seem to see at the moment.
As you state the truth aloud, you’re essentially waiting for the light bulb to turn on in their/your head
Why?
Because there should be questions that occur to you after realizing the facts of the situation (more on this in the next section of this article)
But first… a quick recap…
REFRAMING NEGATIVE SELF TALK MEANS QUESTIONING YOURSELF IN THE MOMENT
The moment you have a negative self thought that you’ve already analyzed and rephrased into a factually true statement…
is the exact moment you need to question the reason you had that negative thought
Questioning the negative thought the moment it comes up, helps you not only identify that it’s there, but also draw attention to the fact that you’re not letting this slide anymore.
You’re growing present with your words
And you’re here now.
And this will not fly.
You’re putting your brain on notice.
You’re adding a positive interruption to the negative cycle that has existed for years in your life.
This is the secret weapon… the first domino that starts a damning ripple effect, causing the discouragingly negative thought to loose the power it’s had over you.
This is you taking a stand and saying No more, No way, No how because I see you clearly!
Now.. let’s recap…
THE PROCESS OF REFRAMING A NEGATIVE SELF THOUGHT
First, you have the urge to rest or do self care.
Then, you think a discouraging thought that talks you out of getting rest or prioritizing self care.
Intentionally think to yourself, “wait.. is my previous thought true?“
Then, think to yourself “Here’s what’s actually, factually true…“
Then, say the reframed statement aloud until your heart feels moved.
I’ve done these 5 steps so many times I’ve lost count. And what I know for a fact is that it works.
WANT TO REFRAME YOUR NEGATIVE SELF TALK?
I propose you do it by using the signature methods I share inside my favorite self care resource, the How To Write Affirmations Toolkit.
Yes, I’m saying personalized affirmations can help you reframe your negative self talk!
I believe affirmations are a tool that can be used in the moment you’re experiencing guilt, fear, and FOMO about resting.
And I also believe, the best affirmations are the ones you write about you — because you know the intricate details of why xyz makes you feel zxy.
So that affirmation you write is going to be potent and deadly to your thoughts of fear, guilt, FOMO, worry, doubt, etc the next time you have the urge to rest or pause and do self care.
To get started with the toolkit, request to join my CoResting Circle community and once approved, you’ll have immediate access to everything you need to start reframing your negative self talk within 30-60 minutes. (It’s currently free to join.)