As a busy professional wanting to do more self care, your internal dialogue could be creating all types of anxiety and confusion…

Like “Is self care really that serious? Other people manage just fine”

Or "I don't want my boss/coworkers to think I don't care or I'm not a team player"

Or "Am I just being lazy? Weak? Dramatic?"

No matter the thought – your internal voice is stopping you from resting and relaxing in the moment your body tells you you need it…

It’s a problem…

But it’s a fixable problem…

So, what does it mean to reframe this discouragingly negative self talk?

REFRAMING NEGATIVE SELF TALK MEANS FINDING THE TRUTH

Finding the truth in that negative self thought – is paramount.

Why? Because we give power to what we allow.

If we allow the negative thought to stand unchallenged, it has power.

Power to control what we do or don’t do – now and in the future.

So if you want to change what you do or don’t do in the future… start with changing your thoughts.

Your actions will follow.

Now, back to the reframing…

If you find even 1 ounce of a lie in the negative statement you thought or said, change it to something that’s factual of you.

Here’s an example…

There’s a big project on your plate at work, you’ve been at it all day but your deadline is looming. It’s already 7pm and you want to get some rest but then you have a thought…

"I'll just power through — I can sleep later"

How many times have you ‘powered through‘ this week?

Did you actually go to ‘sleep later’ or was it more like a quick nap and then you were up again working on another project?

What’s the actual, factual truth?

Let’s take a different scenario as an example…

You’re coming off of night shift and you have plans to sleep all day then do nothing but read, listen to your favorite dance music and eat at your favorite restaurant the next day – a total self care day. Your friend knows you’re off for the next few days so she invites you to an all day outing that starts 2 hours after you get off work.

You think to yourself… “I’ll just power through — I can sleep later”

How often do you ‘power through‘ when this friend sends you last minute invites?

How well did it go the last time you said yes thinking you’ll get some ‘sleep later‘?

Were you groggy and moving like a zombie once you went back to work the last time? Do you really want to do that again?

What’s the truth about this situation?

Reframing negative self talk requires finding the truth because facts are irrefutable.

And once you find the facts, your belief in your ability to reach your goal can grow to be just as unshakable.

REFRAMING NEGATIVE SELF TALK MEANS STATING THE TRUTH, CONFIDENTLY

If you agree that saying something confidently also means you’re saying something you actually believe… this section will make sense to you.

Maybe, I should have put a warning at the top of this article that says “only authenticity thrives here,” but I didn’t… so here’s your warning…

Being authentically you, being honest and transparent with you, is going to be key throughout this process.

Just wanted to throw that out there for your awareness and preparedness. This is entirely a you vs you conversation. No one to impress. No one to disappoint. The pressure is off. So, commit to being 100% real with you. That’s how you’ll get better results.

Once you find out what the truth is…

State it aloud until you sound confident!

OR if talking to yourself feels too awkward…

State it aloud as if you’ve just listened to a friend tell you their story and you’re just calling out the bare bones of what’s obvious and true — but they don’t seem to see at the moment.

As you state the truth aloud, you’re essentially waiting for the light bulb to turn on in their/your head

Why?

Because there should be questions that occur to you after realizing the facts of the situation (more on this in the next section of this article)

But first… a quick recap…

REFRAMING NEGATIVE SELF TALK MEANS QUESTIONING YOURSELF IN THE MOMENT

The moment you have a negative self thought that you’ve already analyzed and rephrased into a factually true statement…

is the exact moment you need to question the reason you had that negative thought

Questioning the negative thought the moment it comes up, helps you not only identify that it’s there, but also draw attention to the fact that you’re not letting this slide anymore.

You’re growing present with your words

And you’re here now.

And this will not fly.

This is the secret weapon… the first domino that starts a damning ripple effect, causing the discouragingly negative thought to loose the power it’s had over you.

This is you taking a stand and saying No more, No way, No how because I see you clearly!

Now.. let’s recap…

THE PROCESS OF REFRAMING A NEGATIVE SELF THOUGHT

First, you have the urge to rest or do self care.

Then, you think a discouraging thought that talks you out of getting rest or prioritizing self care.

Intentionally think to yourself, “wait.. is my previous thought true?“

Then, think to yourself “Here’s what’s actually, factually true…“

Then, say the reframed statement aloud until your heart feels moved.

I’ve done these 5 steps so many times I’ve lost count. And what I know for a fact is that it works.

WANT TO REFRAME YOUR NEGATIVE SELF TALK?

I propose you do it by using the signature methods I share inside my favorite self care resource, the How To Write Affirmations Toolkit.

How To Write Affirmations™ Toolkit

Yes, I’m saying personalized affirmations can help you reframe your negative self talk!

I believe affirmations are a tool that can be used in the moment you’re experiencing guilt, fear, and FOMO about resting.

And I also believe, the best affirmations are the ones you write about you — because you know the intricate details of why xyz makes you feel zxy.

So that affirmation you write is going to be potent and deadly to your thoughts of fear, guilt, FOMO, worry, doubt, etc the next time you have the urge to rest or pause and do self care.

To get started with the toolkit, request to join my CoResting Circle community and once approved, you’ll have immediate access to everything you need to start reframing your negative self talk within 30-60 minutes. (It’s currently free to join.)

JOIN THE CORESTING CIRCLE

But after putting in all that hard work and dedication…

After learning so much about myself…

After growing into the belief that I do deserve better and I can actually have it…

After developing more and more confidence to start doing the things that will yield me that “better“ life I dreamed of living…

I made a huge mistake.

THE TRAP OF FEELING INVINCIBLE AFTER WRITING AFFIRMATIONS FOR A LONG TIME

Once you write affirmations for months and months, you start to feel the change that’s happening within you.

I’ve heard some people say it’s because you’re literally rewiring your brain and creating new neurological pathways.

I say it’s because you inner voice has actually become accustomed to cheering you on instead of being a hater.

The thing about change is theres an old way…

And theres a new way…

Unfortunately, your old way has a lot more skin in the game than your new way.

So, when times get hard and you’ve broken your affirmation writing routine “because you’ve got this…“

Guess which way of doing things is going to be on supercharge as an auto response?

THE OLD WAY!

THE REAL REASON YOU MAY FALTER ON YOUR AFFIRMATION JOURNEY

Let’s say you’re 30 years old.

And you didn’t know you could change the negative self talk that permeates your inner voice until a year ago.

So, for the last 365 days, you’ve been writing your own affirmations…

Making them personalized to you…

Specific to what you’re going through…

And they’ve been working so well that you now automatically reframe your negative thoughts without having to write them down on paper and think through what words will best combat each thought.

So, you stop writing affirmations all together.

You’ve kept your affirmation journal handy, but you don’t openi it daily anymore.

You’re no longer spending time debunking the thoughts you have; finding out whether they’re made up feelings that are consuming you or actual facts that are true of you.

A few months go by and you think you still feel fine…

Something’s different – but you’re sure it’ll be okay because you were literally just high on life, feeling super confident in who you are, how you show up in the world, knowing you deep within your soul that you deserve to take care of you in the ways you desire to be taken care of….

Another month goes by…

Something is definitely off – you can’t really put your finger on what it is; but life is kind of lifeless, like a gloomy day with overcast skies and endless rain…

There’s a doom and gloom that hovers around you now – it feels odd, but familiar…

And then it hits you…

HOW TO PREVENT THE INVINCIBLE TRAP FROM HAPPENING TO YOU

The best way to keep yourself from succumbing to the old way of thinking and feeling – is to maintain your affirmation writing practice some way, some how.

Every little bit counts…

Even when you don’t think it counts.

Remember the example I shared in the previous section?

The old way has 29 years to the new way’s 1 year.

I wouldn’t expect a 1 year old infant to be stronger than a 29 year old body builder. So, how is this self care skill any different?

29 years of doing something the same way, untamed, and unruly will always be stronger than 12 months of trying a new way of doing things.

BUT!

In time…

The new way way can continue gaining strength…

The scales can eventually be balanced…

And on that day, should times get hard and you haven’t written your own affirmations in a while, you can be confident that you mind won’t auto revert to shaming you, guilt tripping you, crippling you with feelings of fear, doubt, unworthiness, and unproductiveness.

You can’t hide from your negative self talk.

It will always be a part of the story of you.

🤎 LOOKING FOR COMMUNITY?

The CoResting Circle is my self care community where busy women make self care a habit – one intentional moment at a time, together.

You’re invited to join us so you’re not alone in remembering to write your affirmations and prevent negative self talk from creeping back in and stealing your peace.

JOIN THE CORESTING CIRCLE

Your self care awaits,

Kahdija Imari
Self Care Strategist
Founder of COCO LOVE™

Affirmation writing is most effective when there’s a deeper understanding of the lingering feelings behind the situation or circumstance you’re writing about.

Exploring your lingering feelings is definitely easier said than done, but it’s not impossible when you have a roadmap.

If you’re serious about learning how to make your affirmations more effective at helping you take action, keep reading!

Here’s a quick overview of what we’ll cover in this article...

• Use an affirmation writing method

• Determine your goal for writing affirmations

• Make your affirmation feel real

• Get unstuck when writing affirmations

USE AN AFFIRMATION WRITING METHOD

Knowing where you are right now in your affirmation writing skills will help you course-correct to make your affirmations more effective.

To understand exactly where you are right now, ask yourself these questions:

• Did you use a writing guide, method, or cheatsheet when previously creating affirmations?

• Were you focused on one specific problem or troubling situation when writing the affirmations?

• Did you deeply explore why the topic matters to you before writing the affirmations?

• Did you verify whether the final affirmations made you feel seen and understood when read back – as if the world stopped and focused solely on you for a moment?

If you answered no to all the questions above, you are not alone!

Most people who try to write affirmations for the first time have no idea where to start. And this is totally understandable because there aren’t very many people (on the internet at least) teaching others how to write affirmations.

Thankfully, I’ve been writing affirmations for years now, and as a result, I’ve developed a few methods you can use to output a sentence that’ll help you feel empowered enough to take action (i.e. highly effective affirmations).

Easy To Write Affirmations Mini Course

[[ My "Easy To Write Affirmations Mini Course" is a quick, easy method for creating your own affirmations anytime, anywhere. Click here to request 90-day access. ]]

PRO TIP: Start with a beginner-friendly affirmation writing method. Then, if you want to get even better results, progress to a more advanced method and commit to using the advanced strategies that enhance your affirmation writing practice.

Now, that we agree on using an affirmation writing formula instead of throwing random words on the page and hoping for the best... let’s talk about the thing that will fuel your affirmation writing – your personal, professional, or entrepreneurial goal.

DETERMINE YOUR GOAL FOR WRITING AFFIRMATIONS

When I first started writing affirmations, my goal was super simple; to start being a kind voice of encouragement instead of a loud, all-consuming voice of self-doubt and unworthiness.

I wanted to become the woman I could see myself being in the future – but at that time, showed zero signs of being on path to living the life that woman loves living. So, I decided to align my current inner voice with that of the woman I felt led to become.

At the time, I had NO idea what I was doing! I literally only knew my why as it related to my huge personal goal of becoming!

(I'm chuckling as I type this because I honestly cannot stress enough that stumbling upon affirmation writing was a total shot in the dark that just happened to be the secret ingredient I needed all along... like seriously mind blowing stuff... but I digress.)

In hindsight, having a goal and knowing my why behind that goal was the perfect place to start my affirmation writing practice.

So, ask yourself:

• Why are you here, reading this article right now?

• What was the last thought you had before deciding to write affirmations?

• Is there a version of you that you want to be in the future, but you’re nowhere near being her right now?

• Are you wanting to reframe your mindset or build a more encouraging inner voice so that you can accomplish a goal?

The sooner you get clear about what your goals is and why that goal matters to you, the sooner you’ll be able to use that answer as fuel to not give up on your affirmation writing journey.

MAKE YOUR AFFIRMATION FEEL REAL

If the affirmations you’re writing feel fake, it’s gonna be hard for them to be effective at moving you toward accomplishing your goal.

Your affirmations MUST feel real to you if they’re going to be effective for you.

So, how do you make them feel real?

...by making them specific to a situation you went through

...by making them specific to the future life circumstances you desire

...by making them highly specific to you

Here’s an illustrative example to bring my point home...

Let’s say you want to become a chef-level home cook who knows how to make almost anything using whole and raw ingredients only...

• If you fail to accept the realities of who you are currently... a microwave queen who only shops the center isles of a grocery store because convenience is king in your busy lifestyle... it’s gonna take you a long while to reach your goal

• If you refuse to accept the truth about your current skillsets... a knife shy girly who never learned to chop, dice, or julienne because you saw your older sibling slice their hand open when you were 5... it’s gonna take you a long while to reach your goal

The microwave queen trying to make a 4 course meal in 30 minutes using zero boxed, jarred, or bagged ingredients for the first time in her life will likely end in utter disappointment...

The knife shy girly trying to julienne 10 veggies for a homemade soup but she doesn’t own a slicing appliance with a julienne attachment...

I could go on and on in this scenario, but I think you get my point – knowing exactly where you are right now (skillsets, life circumstances, etc.) helps you chart YOUR necessary path to get to YOUR destination.

Your current destination is writing effective affirmations that feel real and true to you. So that means you’re going to have to be honest with yourself about your fears, hopes, dreams, strengths and weaknesses; even your unmet expectations and unrealized desires.

PRO TIP: If being this transparent feels scary, just remember that these affirmations are for your eyes only. No one else has to see them, so there’s no looming danger of being made fun of, belittled, rejected, or dismissed.

If you choose to share your finalized affirmations, my suggestion is to only do so with a trusted friend or loving partner. But, remember, in no way, shape, or form is it mandatory to share – it’s a choice.

GET UNSTUCK WHEN WRITING AFFIRMATIONS

Sitting down to write anything can be a challenge.

Between busy schedules and good ol procrastination, once you finally do sit down to write, it would be nice to NOT get stuck figuring out what to say!

My theory on why we get stuck while writing affirmations, and honestly anything, is two fold: premature self editing or perfect life projecting.

Premature self editing is when you’re editing in your head instead of on the paper. Solve this by word vomiting everything onto the page (i.e. all your thoughts, feelings, and desires). Then, read it back to determine what stands out to you the most.

The quicker you get the words out of your head and onto the page, the quicker you'll see which words are more encouraging to you.

Perfect life projecting is when you think about what would be super awesome to say (because it sounds nice), but it’s totally not true about you or the life you’re currently living. Solve this by being radically honest with yourself about ALL the things. Yes, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Loving yourself has a lot more to do with facing and embracing the ugly, more disappointing parts, than smiling bright about what you already totally agree with.

So, how do you get unstuck when writing affirmations?

...by editing on the page, not in your head

...and by being fully transparent about the imperfect and disappointing parts of your life

Remember, you’re not writing an affirmation so it can be perfect. You’re not turning the affirmation in for a grade. You’re writing your affirmations so they can help you achieve your goal.

MORE FROM COCO LOVE

Make your affirmation writing practice super easy to do by grabbing my beginner-friendly Easy To Write Affirmations Mini Course.

From new self care videos and blog posts to upcoming self care events, workshops, procuct launches, and mentorship opportunities, the Crewletter Club will keep you up to date on all things courage, confidence, and self love from COCO LOVE.

I’m willing to bet you’re wondering if courage can be learned?

And you’re likely wondering this because you don’t feel like you have very much courage.

Well, the good news is YES!

Courage can most definitely be learned!

But…

It will be a very challenging road to walk, mainly because it’s going to take of courage to walk it.

I know this sounds counterintuitive, but just follow me for a moment…

Here’s how courage building worked for me:

I’m afraid to do a thing but I really want to do that thing…

Another opportunity to do that thing is staring me in my face, so I decide I’m going to do the thing…

But for some reason my body isn’t allowing me to move toward the thing..

Then, I relax just enough to squint my eyes and tap the thing with my big toe..

And I open my eyes to realize my big toe wasn’t even harmed!...

And I think to myself: maybe I can put my whole foot in next time, and maybe my whole right leg the time after that, and oh what the heck I’m just gonna jump in already!

Does any of this sound familiar?

If you want to build your courage in something, you’ve got to muster up just enough of it to do that thing on a very small scale. Then, incrementally, you learn that you can in fact do the thing without getting hurt, and you were good at it too!

These positive outcomes give you permission to have a little more courage the next time you go to do that thing. And over time, you will have all the courage you’d ever need regarding that particular task or activity.

But if you want to build your courage in a different task or activity, you’ll have to restart the incremental courage growth process in that specific area.

So, can courage be learned?

Absolutely! Just pick a specific task or activity, and try to do it in small, yet manageable increments until you whole heartedly believe you can do that task or activity without any hesitation.

I’ve been writing affirmations for a year and a half now, and I have realized that I have a formula that leads me to successfully write them. I’m going to be sharing these tips with you, starting today.

Here’s 3 things you need to know and also agree to before starting to write affirmations...

. . .

1. You can live an amazing life

If you don’t believe you can be better and do better, will you ever be better or do better?

Self-belief is a must. And I’m not saying you need to have loads of it, but you do need to have at least a speck belief or a glimmer of hope for yourself and how would ike your life to turn out.

Repeat after me, “I believe that some part of my childhood dreams can become my reality and I am going to do what I can to make it so.”

2. You need to be vulnerable and transparent with yourself

If you start writing affirmations that are talking aabout things that you doon’t even want for your life, it’s going to be a problem when those things begin to actually happen for you... Why? Because you didn’t really want them!

So, why not be honest with yourself about what you really want out of this life? How does the life you’re currently living differ from the life you’d like to be living? How much detail can you describe about it?

Another reason you’re going to need to be honest with yourself on your affirmation writing journey, is because you can’t heal if you don’t first reveal.

One of the first things a doctor or nurse does when they get a patient with a stab wound, is remove the clothing surrounding the wounded area. If they were to leave the clothing on, it may get in the way of everything they have to do. A piece of cloth may get trapped in the patient’s body when the ‘freshly cleaned’ wound is being sewn or stappled shut. This would make the wound apear to be clean, but the fact is that something is still inside that will irritate this area and possibly cause more harm. Maybe the wound won’t heal correctly, maybe thee wound takes twice as long to heal, or maybe the skin closes atop of the wound but an infection starts to form beneath.

Why put yourself through the elongated pain and suffering when you can learn how to get vulnerable and transparent with yourself to start resolving the situation for once and for all?

Repeat after me, “I am willing to reveal my truest self to myself; my flaws, my pains, my joys, and my gains... becase I want to see me and be me.”

3. You are begining an intentional self care routine

The affirmations I’m going to teach you how to write are not going to be easily written with little thought and little effort. It took me hours and hours of time to write all the affirmations I shared on my Instagram page in 2021.

I’m not gooing to teach yoou what I didn’t do. So that means you need to be ready to put in work.. and that means getting intentional.

Just in case you need a quick refresher on what intentional is... Google defines intentional as “something done on purpose; deliberately.”

When you make sure something happens as close as possible to how you wanted it to happens, you were deliberate, calculated, and intentional. And if you’ve ever done this before, you already know this is more difficult to do than allowing what ever comes your way to happen as it may.

So, repeat after me, “I am commited to being intentional about my self care because I value how I care for me.”

. . .

I hope you’ve found these three things challenging but also interesting enough to commit to doing them. And I hope to see you shining bright one day soon while on your journey of writing affirmations for yourself.

Your self care awaits,

Kahdija Imari
Founder of 27th & Rose

I take affirmation writing seriously and thus I take my preparation for executing it just as seriously. However, the number one thing I want you to remember when finding the tools you’ll use to write affirmations is this experience is solely for your own mental and emotional wellness--so why not put your best foot forward and set yourself up for a highly enjoyable experience by surrounding yourself with things you absolutely love?!

I’m excited for you to start writing your own affirmations, so let’s get into this list of tools!

. . .

1. Something To Write On

Do you absolutely love a certain notebook or journal? Are you picky about wanting to write in a spiral-bound notebook vs a glue-bound notebook? Do you prefer hardcover or paperback journals? Have you ever written on a piece of paper and realized it was too textured for your liking or too smooth for your liking? Your paper doesn’t have to be white. It doesn’t have to be blank. It can have lines. It can be orange with polka dots or grey with gold marble designs on it. Whatever your favorite paper source is, find it, and reserve it for your affirmation practice.

If you prefer not to use paper, what would you like to write on? Is it your iPad? Is there a different tablet device that you can’t seem to get enough of these days and would love to have more reasons to use it? There are so many options nowadays for selecting something to write on. Commit to choosing something you enjoy writing on today and can see yourself writing on it for months to come.

2. Something To Write With

If you opt to use a tablet to write your affirmations, you’ll be restricted to using the pen compatible with said tablet. But if you choose to write on a form of paper, there’s a plethora of writing utensils you can select from.

Are you a thick pen lover or a thin pen lover? Do you want to use colored pencils, charcoal, or some type of marker? Does the marker need to have a flexible tip or must it be firm and be available in red? What is your favorite writing utensil? The one that gives you the least troubles and make your hand glide from letter to letter without a fuss? If you’re using a pencil, is it mechanical or do you need an electric pencil sharpener? Which writing tool do you prefer most, is cost efficient for you and makes you just a little bit more excited to sit down and write your affirmations?

I know these are a lot of questions, but I am not sharing them to discourage you. I want you to have a better understanding of yourself and to create the best possible environment for you to thrive as you write affirmations. Speaking of environments... you’re going to need the next item on this list.

3. Some Place To Write

You may think this item is not list worthy, but I assure you it is.

Imagine yourself attempting to take a 100-question multiple choice test in a chaotic, noisy, cluttered, and generally unstable environment such as in the middle of a school cafeteria during a 50 person food fight. Are you the type of person that would be able to easily concentrate in the midst of the commotion around you? It’s important to know what type of environment helps you feel calm, comfortable, at ease, and relaxed enough to think and reflect deeply. The fewer the distractions the better.

So, what type of location is best for you? Is there a certain chair or couch that makes you feel super relaxed? Is there a certain room or corner in your home that that allows you too feel safe and cozy? Do you prefer writing on tables and can’t stand writing on your lap? What location offers the best possible environment for you to write freely and comfortably?

. . .

The takeaway from this list is for you to make your best effort at finding things and spaces around your home that you already love or to shop around to find new, interesting things that will encourage and motivate you to follow through with your new self-affirming practice. I want you to commit to getting the little things right before you sit down to tackle the big things. Why? Because they matter just as much as the big things and because you deserve to be surrounded by what you love!

Happy Writing!

I don’t know about you, but most of the affirmations I’ve seen online have been very generic and not at all tailored to me or what I’m going through in a deep, ‘Amazon Alexa must have told someone my life story’ type of way. So, can affirmations even be effective at helping someone change their self-image?

I have 3 answers for you that you may or may not like... but let’s dig in.

. . .

Yes, if you put in the work

The short answer to today’s big question is yes, no, and maybe. But first let’s start with yes.

Yes, affirmations can absolutely be an effective way to change one’s self image.

I, Kahdija Imari, have first-hand experience with just how powerful and impactful self talk really is. After all, affirmations written in first person (I, me, or my) are a version of self-talk. So, how do I know they helped my self-image?

Well, Google says, self-image is “the idea one has of one’s abilities, appearance, and personality.”

Before 2020, I did not take the idea of becoming an entrepreneur seriously. It was something that was more like a distant fairy tale dream. Far, far away in a place that would never come near me in reality.

But, I realized I needed to focus on changing my mindset from negative to positive regarding how I spoke to myself internally about external things. I essentially wanted to start telling myself encouraging things because, well, I had been telling myself discouraging things for a very long time... so why not try the opposite and see how that turns out!

As I worked on thinking more positively, I realized it was difficult to maintain a long term effect. And randomly one day, because I do enjoy journaling, I decided to start writing down these encouraging words, phrases, and questions. Then, I challenged myself to post these words online as a way to hold myself accountable for doing this as a daily practice and to disprove the thought that I’m the only one who feels this way (this is what many of you may have seen on my Instagram and Fanbase profiles when you scroll back far enough).

My point is, it’s been a journey, but my commitment to become my own source of encouragement so I can at least feel worthy enough to go grab my dreams and turn them into reality, worked. And it all started with what I now understand to be powerful and impactful affirmations.

Maybe not, if you quit prematurely

Changing your self image is a form of personal development. And any form of self-development takes work. So, if you’re not ready to dig deep and do what it takes to become the you you want to become (or in this case see yourself as the best version of you that you already are), you likely won’t have a great end result.

But why does it take so much work to change your self image?

It’s because you’re going against your current nature in hopes of forming a new, healthier habit. That friction of trying to go in the opposite direction of how you’ve been doing things for however long, is going to be difficult.

The first thing you need to know here is that much of what we do and how we react to situations and circumstances is a habit. Google defines a habit as “an automatic reaction to a specific situation.” Google also defines friction as “conflict or animosity caused by a clash of wills, temperaments, or opinions.” But what is will? Will, wills, or will power is the ability to make “something happen by the exercise of mental powers.”

So, here’s what all of this means...

How you currently think of your abilities, appearance and personality is here to stay if you do nothing. Doing something, like attempting to change how you think of yourself, is going to take mental power... lots of mental power.

Giving up after the first failed attempt to change will keep you at square 1. But having a level of determination that increases your will power and thus your ability to keep trying over and over again, fail after fail until you succeed will evenyield you quality results.

So, if you quit just short of the amount of will it takes for you to change how you automatically think of yourself, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

NOTE: Something to consider here is the type of affirmations your using. (No, they’re not all made the same!) What I mean here is, you may be using generic or basic affirmations where you need to be using impactful affirmations specific to your situation (more to come on this shortly).

Not at all, if you’re not willing to be vulnerable

Maybe you’re interested in changing how you think of yourself because you don’t currently live the love you have for yourself…

You love what you do and parts of who you are, but the thing that holds all of you together is missing…

I think that thing is your ability to stop being so hard on yourself and begin to embrace yourself lovingly.

But in order to embrace yourself lovingly, you need to accept every part of yourself: the good AND the not so good.

You need to get vulnerable with you.

And in order to use affirmations that are impactful enough to speak directly to your situation, you have to be willing to talk about that situation.

You need to get vulnerable.. with you..

But, if you’re not willing to even think about a situation long enough to understand how you got into it, what habits led you to it, why it seems like the exact same thing keeps happening over and over again.... how are you going to find, read, recite, or even write affirmations that speak life, love, and truth into you?

The very first person you need to learn how to be vulnerable with is you.

(Side note: Once you’re vulnerable with you, you can then learn how to be vulnerable with others and I believe this can breed some of the healthiest relationships in the world.)

Earlier I mentioned that this process of attempting to change how you think of yourself, is going to take lots of mental power. And mental power can be just as exhausting as exerting physical power. But we all know that a body builder doesn’t get bulky overnight; it takes time… days, months, and the best have been at it for years and years. The same is going to be true for you when it comes to changing your self image and using affirmations to do it.

It’s going to take some major work on the inside and it’s going to be a life-long journey if you want to sustain lifelong results.

So, it’s your choice. Get fed up enough with living life as is and decide to explore yourself deeply and accept yourself fully so that you can embrace yourself lovingly each day.

It. Is. A. Choice. A daily choice. A moment by moment, I am going to choose me to be on my own team type of choice. And it all starts with vulnerability.

. . .

I hope you’ve found my answers to today’s question helpful, inspiring and even motivating. I am a living testimony of affirmations being effective at changing my self-image, and I am committed to doing the work that will deepen the self-love growing within me. I mean, I want to love me and I want to love the life I live. So, I’m willing to do the work. And I hope you decide to do it too.

Your self care awaits,

Kahdija Imari
Founder of 27th & Rose

Have you ever sat down to write a paper for school and you either had all the thoughts and didn’t know which to write down. Or you had zero thoughts and wanted to spend your time doing other things that make you feel far more successful than you feel right now. #fail. I have been there. And it can happen when you want to sit down to write affirmations too.

Here are my tips for how to clear the clutter of your mind and tap into your own inspiration of what to write in your new affirmation.

. . .

Find your favorite place

We all have a favorite chair to sit on. Or maybe its a certain side of the couch, bed, or car. Maybe its a certain area of the house or apartment you live in that just makes you feel absolutely relaxed. You know the spot where you go to watch television, but in a matter of minutes the television is watching you?!

Wherever your favorite place is, go there to write your affirmation.

If you don’t know where your favorite place is, start taking mental notes or maybe physical notes, of where you tend to spend the most time and how your body feels when you’re in that location. If your answer is at your desk and tense, this is not your favorite place. The place should make you feel relaxed, comfortable, at ease, welcomed, and secure.

Find your favorite clothes

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I can tackle all the things when I’m in my favorite outfit. For me, this means comfortable, but still a statement, and usually neutral tones. If I’m wearing something that fits that description, I’m typically going to feel confident even if I’m having a not so great start to my day.

What clothes make you smile when you look in the mirror? What loungwear makes you feel comfortable in your skin?

Wear these types of clothes when you sit down to write your affirmation.

Find your favorite sound

I have learned that I can complete some tasks while listening to podcasts on youtube or bing watching television shows I’m very familiar with in the background. But there are other tasks, such as taking a test or writing in my journal, that I truly can’t take much more than a mild sound like brown noise or sounds of a fireplace, or calm ocean sounds. If I were to attempt to take a test while a TV show is on in the background, it will be quite difficult for me to quickly hone in and stay focussed.

What sounds help you feel at peace, calm, uplifted, and encouraged?

Whateveer the answer(s), these are the types of sounds you want to surround yourself with when you write your affirmation.

Find your favorite art

When I see things that are beautiful to me, I may pause to whip out my phone and take a picture. Why? Becasue I want to be able to reference it for the forseeable future. Now, granted, if I don’t create a filling system that allows me to locate said photographs in an easily searchable manner, this endeavor could be fruitless. But that’s not my point here...

Have you been inspired by, in awe of, or curious about something you’ve seen lately?

Is there artwork somewhere in this world that makes you feel as though you could tell a whole story about the art even though you have no idea what the true reason or inspiration was for the author?

There are metaphors in art. So, if you feel drawn to an artwork, stare at it until it speaks to you... thinking of nothing else but the art itself and every detail you see in it.

I believe you are bound to receive a message (an affirmation) just for you in that artwork.

Find your favorite smell

I am now going to make a bold statement that is solely based in my own opinion and experience in life.

Smells make you feel.

And I stand behind this 100,000%. If I smell rotten food, a skunk, or my dog’s poo, my reaction is eww, gross, get me out of here. The emotions associated with these reactions are not of peace, okay.

But if I smell a fresh linen scented candle or room spray, I unconsiously inhale slowly and recieve the freshness as if the scent itself is filling my body with breath and life.

Smells are absolutely powerful. So, if you can figure out what scents make you feel at ease, calm, peaceful, or even focused or uplifted, you will be on a very good start to clearing your mind before sitting down to write an affirmation.

. . .

I hope these tips have been enlightening and have put you on the path to clearing the clutter of your mind to tap into your own inspiration of what to write in your new affirmation. If you don’t know the answers to the five tips I suggested, this is a great opportunity for you to do some self exploration and experimentation. Just remember to make it fun and enjoyable for yourself because it’s all for you.

Okay, until next time...

Happy writing!

I don’t think that every affirmation is going to help every person. Instead, I believe that affirmations are most helpful when we look deep within ourselves to answer the questions that have been burning our hearts or speaking to the traumas that have helped shape parts of why we act the way we act and think the way we think each day.

If you’re ready to dive deep, be honest, and learn to be more accepting of your truest feelings, I’m ready to share some questions I ask myself when sitting down to write affirmations.

. . .

1. What’s bothering me right now in life?

Whether it’s an issue at work, within friendships, family or partner relationships, examine what’s been going on lately in your life and get specific about what it is that’s really upsetting you or making you feel uneasy.

Affirmation: ‘No matter how many times people close to you have doubted you, you will prevail... you are worthy... and you have value to add.’

2. What am I struggling with right now?

Life is not all sunshine and rainbows (I forget where I first heard this saying but it’s definitely a true statement for my life and likely yours too). Is there something that’s challenging you to no end? What is it and why do you think you are struggling so much with it?

Affirmation: ‘The distance may be long and scary, but failure, defeat, and self-doubt are scarier.’

3. How do you plan to overcome the things you describe in the previous two answers?

It’s one thing to acknowledge that there’s a problem somewhere, but it’s a separate thing to strategize a game plan to combat, overcome, or reach beyond said problem. Make sure to brainstorm ways and routes that may take you from problem to solution.

Affirmation: ‘Self-doubt has no place here. I let go of it.’

4. What type of response do I wish I would have received?

Sometimes, when we share our hopes, dreams, and goals with loved ones or those we look up to, they don’t give us the type of response we hoped they would give. And this can be very devastating and life altering depending on your personality type, how vulnerable you were being, how deep your passion for the topic is, and so many other reasons. But if you harbor a level of resentment or feel like your life would have turned out differently if they would have responded with love and support, I do think it will be beneficial for you to address this reality by speaking to your younger self in a way that you wish that person would have responded.

Affirmations: ‘You are enough’ or ‘Life is precious. Make the most of it while you have it.’

5. What might I need to do to be in my own corner?

Think of loving, thoughtful ways you can begin to show up for yourself and nurture your own healing and acceptance.

Affirmation: ‘I can do the things I put my mind to, so long as I don’t let the other part of my mind sabotage my courage and confidence.’

. . .

I hope you’ve found these questions and the affirmations I wrote as a result of answering them helpful.

It’s not easy to dig deep but I believe it is a necessary step to helping you write an affirmation that will be powerful and impactful for you.

Remember, the affirmation you write needs to speak to a specific situation or circumstance that you’ve gone through. This is what will make it strike you right in the heart when you see it and read it.

Until next time... Happy Writing!